on today’s episode of “what’s wrong in my life” my blanket does not cover my feet
(Source: ouijasquiji, via jakemalik)
a chemist walks into a restaurant and says “i would like a plate of sodium acetate because that looks like NaC2H3O2 which looks like nacho lol.” the waiter says get the fuck out of my restaurant you god damned geek
ur mom hands u a glass of orange juice. u take a sip. its not orange juice. its stirred egg yolks. u spit them all out. u ask ur mom why. she turns around. its not ur mom. its me. ur mom is gone. im ur mother now
these old spice commercials have been getting really crazy lately
tv show. white man. hes sad. he has to do important thing but its hard. his girlfriend died probably. TWSIT!! theres another white man. maybe MORE. hes sad too but for different reason. its very deep probably. theyre best friends but not gay but maybe they are haha fandom!!! every girl dies or goes away. just not gay white man friend. 10 seasons 100 million viewers. what will moody white men do this week.